Dale Miller

I haven’t posted anything “real” in quite a while now. I guess I just haven’t felt like anything has been happening in my life that’s worth writing down. I’m not sure that has changed, but I just thought I needed to remind myself that I’m alive.

I’ve been feeling rather depressed the last couple of weeks. I just don’t feel that much of anything matters. I go to work, I do my job, I go home, I talk to my cats. The only part that is even enjoyable any more is talking to the cats.

A number of years ago, I read a bunch of relationship books. One of the things that they tended to stress was that if you were trying to discuss a problem with someone you should use sentences of the form “I feel that…” rather than “You make me feel…”. The former is simply a statement of fact, the latter is accusatory. However, when I’m writing it’s hard for me to put down what I’m feeling. I feel like I would be exposing myself to ridicule if I put it in a public forum. I could always make the posts private, but then I’m just talking to myself. Is that healthy? Of course, I talk to myself anyway, but no one has a recording of it, so I can deny it. :)

I feel (there, I’m trying it) that I will never be happy without someone else in my life. I want someone to take care of, to talk to, to cuddle with, and to have as a best friend. That probably shouldn’t be the driving force in my life, but it is. I’ve almost given up hope for that, though. I put time and effort into things that ultimately don’t matter. I’ve lost weight, gotten myself in better shape, and overall made myself more attractive (or so I think), but that really doesn’t matter. My negative points apparently outweigh my positive ones.

If anyone is actually reading this, I’m sure you think I sound like a skipping record (for those of you who actually remember records, and what happens when they get a scratch). In many respects I feel like one as well. I keep doing the same things over and over and hoping for different results. That is one classic definition of insanity. The problem is, when I decided to do something different, it tends to be something even less likely to attract a female.

There is currently a radio ad playing which describes a handsome prince who dies lonely when his less attractive relatives all find love. Why? Because no one knows about the handsome prince. The premise of the ad is that if you have the best product in the world, and no one knows about it, no one will buy it. The concept is to sell radio ads, but it applies in the original situation as well. I’m certainly not a handsome prince, but I like to think I’m a better catch than some of the men I see who do have girlfriends/wives/significant others. How does a man go about selling himself? It seems to me that the straightforward approach doesn’t work, so what do I try now? A billboard? Radio ads? I can’t imagine that would work either. I would just appear even more desperate, and that is a turn-off for most women.

There doesn’t seem to be much point to my ramblings today. Is there ever?

s

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

I am, in my own inimitable way, contributing to the ultimate heat death of the universe.

Since xsuperkidjoyx published test results, I decided to try it too.

Here are my results.

I’ve decided that this is a good night to stay home. I took a bath, got dressed, and then decided that I really shouldn’t be out among people while in my present mood. I’m going to go climb back in bed now.

Today is an excellent day for lying in bed and being depressed.

I really need to start posting things when they are fresh on my mind, rather than waiting.

But…

The drive to and from Austin was tiring. It’s not so much the length as the fact that it was raining off and on the entire trip. That just makes Interstate driving truly unpleasant. We saw at least 6 wrecks on the trip down. It was just not a good day to be on the road.

Fortunately, the weather cleared up an Saturday, and we had a good time. Mark showed me around the UT campus, and I was impressed. I knew intellectually that it was a big school with lots of money, but actually experiencing it is another matter. They have some very nice buildings, good equipment, and apparently provide a good learning environment. I’m envious. I wish I was 18 and starting school there.

I enjoyed what I saw of Austin. I don’t think I would want to live in town (and more than I would like to live in any other town), but the area is pretty. Mark took me to Fry’s (geek department store), a couple of book stores, and we just wandered around near the campus. I didn’t do any of the “tourist” things, but I had a good time anyway.

We went to the Alamo Draft House on Saturday night for dinner and a “Mr. Sinus Theatre” production. Just the concept of a movie theatre that serves real food…. Little Rock should take note.

While driving around Sunday, Mark got out his laptop and decided to run NetStumbler for a while. The results were a bit different than what one would see in Little Rock. We hit over 500 WAPs in our short time driving around. It seems that almost everyplace has free wireless access. I don’t think it’s reached to McDonald’s yet, but Schlotzsky’s certainly does. According to Mark, it’s hard to find a coffee house or restaurant near the campus which doesn’t provide free wireless. A notable exception is Starbuck’s, who tries to charge.

All-in-all it was a good trip. I need to go back down later in the spring when it’s warmer.

I miss my waterbed.

I miss my quiet house.

I miss my kitties.

Time to start a day of touring UT and Austin. This should be fun.

Mark and I both made it to Austin okay. It was raining most of the way down here, and that makes an unpleasant drive. We saw at least 6 accidents, and two of them were pretty bad. Traffic and weather together tired both of us out.

We got all his stuff up to his room and then went to an all-you-can-eat sushi place. Very good food at a reasonable price.

So I’m spending Friday night in Austin, alone, in a motel room (with Internet access). I suspect there are all sorts of things to do in town, but I’m too tired to go find them. The rain doesn’t help matters much in that regard. I had almost forgotten how much I like being able to climb in bed and have things quiet. I can hear traffic and the television in the next room. Usually all I hear is cats. :)